Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Today was difficult. It pretty much blows being back and work and I'm finding myself supremely unmotivated. Now that I've decided to stay, I've got to change that attitude and get back into the grind. Otherwise, I'm in danger of being axed. The lack of motivation stems not just from work, but also from some issues I'm having that have made my heart feel heavy and sad.

Despite these feelings, I worked today on not internalizing the actions of others, and I stayed calm and tried not to let outside factors destroy my peace of mind. Tried being the operative word; I wasn't successful by a long shot at creating nor maintaining any so-called peace of mind. I've found this year that I am deeply affected by my relationships with others, that goes for my personal, family, and friend relationships. When there's a conflict or an issue, I can't shelf it and put it aside. Instead I obsess, worry, or sometimes just feel overwhelmed with whatever emotion I'm feeling.

I'm working on this, because it's no fun to live life feeling miserable and emotionally destroyed by the actions of others whom I have no control over (unfortunately). Today, as a step in that direction I did yoga ala Gypsy. I'm not sure that I got the full benefit of the class, as throughout the meditation and poses my mind kept wandering to the source of my sadness. However, at least I went to the class and did it. I feel good about that. And there were moments where I felt peaceful, which was a nice break.

Sitting here, a few hours later, my muscles and mind have retained at least some of the relaxation that comes with the stretches and deep breathing. I was good to my body and mind tonight, despite my heavy heart and despite my lack of motivation. I think that's progress.

1 comment:

Gypsy said...

I get that way, too, where what everyone else is doing has more affect on me than it should. I'm too sensitive, sometimes, and I read too much into things and I overthink.

I'm glad you took some time to tend to yourself. It's hard to do sometimes.