Thursday, July 26, 2007

Date Tonight, Maybe

Unless IP totally flakes, as males are wont to do, I have a date tonight. In New York, I've observed that relationships have a tendency of developing very slowly or moving at warp speed only to end in spectacular explosions after a couple of weeks. I think this is because everyone's so busy, spinning around in a billion different directions, that dating doesn't happen on any kind of normal, regular schedule.

Out of the New York context, I would imagine (though I could be dead wrong) that dating follows a certain basic, dependable, sweet pattern, something like this: Girl meets boy, boy asks girl out, girl says yes, and they go out that Friday night. In that same strange world, I would also imagine that if boy liked girl, boy would call girl on Saturday or Sunday - or if he's being a bit of a player jack-ass not until Monday morning - ask girl out again, girl would say yes (if she likes boy), and they would go out again that weekend. If girl and boy continue liking one another, I would imagine that their dates would continue each week, probably picking up pace so that girl and boy would see each other here and there during the week as well as on the weekends. At some point, girl and boy would have "the talk," decide they were exclusive (because they'd been being exclusive already), and the parameters of their relationship would be established.

In New York, more common would be the following scenario: Girl meets boy, boy calls or texts eventually, boy asks girl to meet him for a drink that night or the next, girl says she's busy, negotiations ensue, girl and boy decide to meet one another, and they go on a date. Boy calls the next day or several days later, or even a week or two later, and acts like everything is fine. If girl and boy have both been dating other people in between the time of their date and the call, it is fine. Girl and boy talk about going out again and compare their over-booked schedules to see if they can find time to meet up again in between their concerts, benefits, work functions, dinners, and plans with friends. Girl and boy pencil each other in for a Tuesday night after-work drink two weeks later, while thinking about who they can pencil in for later that night.

Dating, under those circumstances - where the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd dates can be stretched over weeks and weeks, or even months, where no one is exclusive and everyone has another possibility waiting in the wings or at center stage - can move very slowly.

Not that moving slowly is always a bad idea. In fact, I prefer moving slowly to the blitz-n-burn dating scenarios that many of my friends (and I) have experienced. Blitz-n-burn situations are those in which girl meets boy, girl and boy go out, (Blitz) boy tries and tries to have sex with girl, girl has sex with or makes out with boy, girl - confusing desire with genuine emotions, or just feeling hopeful - starts to like boy, boy wants to have sex or make out again with girl, girl and boy go out again, boy tries and tries to have sex with girl, girl has sex or makes out with boy, and after this happens a few times, (Burn) boy stops calling or girl realizes it's all about the sex or the making out and stops returning boy's calls.

Getting back to the situation with IP. After meeting IP two months ago, I went out on a first date with him about two weeks later. He called two days after our date (which was not perfect but acceptable), and since then, for the last month or so, we have been calling and texting one another a couple times a week while he's been out of town. At first I was quite opposed to the "texting relationship" that appeared to be developing, but he was entertaining, attentive, and cute so I decided to just have fun and see where things would go. There are worse things I could be doing with my time than sending occasional texts to a boy who seems, at least from afar and from my limited interactions with him, kind of cool.

So, after almost a month and a half - can you stand the suspense? - we are now supposed to go out on our second date tonight. As the date and time were set up via text (I know, could be a problem), I have no additional details to share at this point. I assume, even though I'm not supposed to be making assumptions, that we'll be going out to dinner somewhere. If he calls this afternoon and invites me over to his apartment - as opposed to a public place where things other than nookie time are appropriate - I will have to assume it's a Blitz-n-Burn situation in the making and decline. Here's hoping he acts like a gentleman and invites me to dinner at a restaurant sometime in the next couple of hours.

If this date does happen, and I'd say there's a 75% chance of that happening, the only thing I'm annoyed about is the fact that OF COURSE I have a zit on my chin. It wasn't even a big zit to begin with. It was one of those tiny annoying ones that I know I shouldn't have attempted to pop but did anyway, and then created an ugly, dark red spot that's pretty much impossible to cover-up. It's possible that even if this date happens he could take one look at my zit and run screaming away from me down the street. So much uncertainty.


broadway baby said...

Your story reminds me so much of one blitz 'n' burn scenario that I experienced living in NY. I met a boy at a party and instead of being a good girl and going home, I let him talk me in to going back to his apartment with him. He tried and tried to have sex with me, but I only made out with him. He left the next day for a business trip and told me he'd call me when he got back in town. The madness ensued because he didn't call back when he said he would. In fact, he never called back at all. I totally confused desire with true interest. Yick. Hearing your story of how it happens all the time to you and your friends makes me feel a little less idiotic about the fact that I was had by that joker.

Buttercup said...

Broadway Baby - Take heart, he didn't "have" you (although I can totally relate to the madness that ensues when they don't call when they say they're going to call - grrr), AND you are in EXCELLENT company! I would wager that most women have experienced at least one blitz-n-burn situation. In New York, I'd bet at least $1,000 on that, and I'm not the betting type.

Sparky Duck said...

Just have fun with it and go with the flow. And blitz and burn is not exclusive to you big cities up just north of me.

Willow said...

I loved this post. I love the Blitz-n-Burn term, what a great way to put it. Unfortunately, it happens everywhere--you are not alone!

I hope you and IP have a good time!

HB said...

Oh man, finally you described and labelled the situation oh so precisely! So that's what happened!!! Argh! ;-)

I really am clueless at times. You are brilliant! And good luck and have fun tonight! :)

Blindsighted One said...

Very cool blog! Will have to visit more often.

ariess said...

Blitz-n-Burn is the story of my life... even here in small town Virginia. Here's to hoping you and I and the rest of us can rise above!