Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The Drummer

Did that just happen?

Did you just email and I respond, and we decide to meet up? Finally, after over two years?

Did we actually talk about where we were in our relationships, or lack thereof, about what had gone wrong in our past relationships, about what had gone wrong between us?

Did I admit I had kept you on a pedestal since we broke up?

That I'm drawn to you powerfully, still - but not necessarily sexually (but maybe?) - in a way that makes me want to be next to your body, surrounded by your arms. Protected. Held. Safe.

No, that I didn't say.

But I thought it, for almost the entire time that we sat together at the bar, the edges of our knees touching.

Did we open up to one another? Did you, when I asked what went wrong between us, say that you thought that I closed down, which made you close down, even though you knew that what I really wanted and needed was for you to stop me from closing down, and that you felt at the time like you were incapable of making things right?

That you felt powerless? That I couldn't handle seeing that in you, maybe because it reflected back to me a vision of my own vulnerability; a vulnerability that took me many years and one particularly bad break-up to find?

Did I admit that I've made a lot of men feel that way, and that I'm not sure why?

Did I not say that you were right that I looked to you to fix things when I should have looked to myself?

Did we hold each other as you walked me home?

Did you lean down and kiss me?

Twice.

Did that really just happen?

13 comments:

wood said...

WHAT????????????????????????????

holy crap. I'm stunned. calling you now.

Ally Bean said...

Hmmm. The plot thickens.

Willow said...

This is an interesting turn of events. I can't wait to hear what happens next. You Go Girrl!

InterstellarLass said...

Mystery ensues! Juicy!

Gypsy said...

Wow. Tingles. :)

Greg said...

I like your words, the repetition, the storyflow.

Now on the reality behind the words, might I suggest you read this post, ...the problem with remembering @ Random Magus.

Prue said...

I definitely didn't expect that.

Dutch said...

that guy is quite a catch. if he's still single, you should be all over that.

if you keep catching the same fish, maybe there's a reason there beyond our understanding. I know I'm very annoying when I get all mystical/metaphorical, but jesus christ woman we all think he was your best match among all the men we'd ever seen you with, by far. leaps and fucking bounds. is that too much truth? I mean christ, he is good looking, artistic, passionate, loving, and feminist to the fucking core. now go fuck his brains out and show him you've learned a few new tricks and then get married and have good looking babies that I'm sure he'll be willing to tend to lovingly while you follow your hyper-powered ambition wherever it takes you. dude, that seems like happiness to me, if not perfection.

Pas said...

mmm...uh, kinda ditto what dutch said. with so little information, I mean. He IS a good one. By far, indeed.

gravelly said...

Go Dutch!! Buttercup, listen to Dutch!! I will take care of the babies if you both want to work. So strange, I was thinking of Drummer this weekend but told myself not to bring up his name. Your kids would be sooo good looking and taaaalllllllll. Damn, I am so glad I checked in tonight! Happy Fourth!

Buttercup said...

Good lord Dutch! Just because you and the Drummer apparently love one another does not necessarily mean that this is supposed to work out the way you want it. :)

Everyone else, I will keep you posted...

Dutch said...

Just a third-person observation dude.

Buttercup said...

Dutch, I can't tell you how much I love you for it. :)