Tuesday, June 05, 2007


When did texting become an acceptable primary method of courting and communication in the dating world? People used to pick up the phone and have a real, live conversation, in real time, prior to asking them out on a date. Even when texting first appeared, people used it to nail down logistical details, not to set up a first date. Now, it's everywhere. Males are using it to set up dates, maintain the appearance of connection while engaged in other activities, and for random effortless booty calls.

That's my main problem with texting, it requires basically no effort whatsoever.

I've reached the point where I've decided simply not to respond to texts. If a male does not have the balls or the level of interest required to pick up the phone and give me a call, he's not worth my time. If you must know, River was basically the inspiration behind that decision. He texted me one too many times, thought it was acceptable to ask me for dinner over a text, and periodically availed himself of his phone's texting capabilities to "booty text" me. My final conclusion on River was that he was looking for a girl to make-out with - and nothing more - and he mistakenly thought I was that girl. He also mistakenly thought that I would keep returning his texts indefinitely.

This morning, my no texting policy was challenged because the guy I met at the Reunion texted me to ask when I was free this week. This, after failing to call Monday night as he had indicated that he would. By the time he texted, I had basically written him off to a nice experience. Faced with the text, I was forced to decide whether to ignore it, write back, and if so, what to write back. Eventually, I settled on texting back that he should call me to set something up. Guess what happened? He called, and then I called him back, and then we had a real conversation. Amazing.

To be clear, the anti-texting policy is only against the use of texting as the primary method of communication in a dating relationship, such as texting to set up a date. Texting is fine as a secondary or tertiary method of communication, and particularly useful for ironing out logistics (i.e. "We're in the bar, where are you? Meet me there."). But, if I'm not committed to you yet, you're going to have to do something other than texting if you want me to stick around.

Any man worth his weight in salt will pick up the phone and call. Any man who's actually interested, will want to pick up the phone and call. If he's too busy, too scared, or too uninterested to call, he's basically a waste of time, energy, and emotional space.


InterstellarLass said...

I have never understood texting. I prefer phone calls as well for any form of communication. I had an acct rep for one of our consultants sit next to me in a 3.5 hour meeting on Monday, and she was texting for about the first 2.5 hours. I wondered why she was even there and even moreso, why we would be billed for her non-attentiveness.

Willow said...

I like your stand on texting. You're right it shouldn't be used to set up a date, I can see where it would come in handy for some things, but not that!

Of course, where I'm from very few people are that advanced as to know how to text! Including myself. LOL

wood said...

don't leave us hanging! when is your date with Mr. Reunion?

Anonymous said...

Texting is fine as a secondary or tertiary method of communication, and particularly useful for ironing out logistics

I agree wholeheartedly. Good policy.

Prue said...

Great policy; Great post. So, yeah, to echo Wood - when is the date and what are you going to do?

Gypsy said...

I'm with you on this. It seems too easy. There should be nervousness, I think, something on the line -- and who can be nervous about a text message?

Sparky Duck said...

texting works best once you are already in something, even if it is not a committed thing. Kind of like emails to work, you dont have time to talk talk but your bored and want to say hello. It should not be used to get a womans attention.

Starshine said...

I think you handled Mr. Reunion's text well. You stuck to your guns by requesting that he call you without ignoring his text completely. Power up, 'Cup!

Gregory A. Becerra said...

"If he's too busy, too scared, or too uninterested to call, he's basically a waste of time, energy, and emotional space."

This guy, Erik (no?), will be the test of that statement because you did respond to his text message. Fear, or cowardice, is probably the main reason for a guy or girl to text.

This fear may or may not be a bad thing. The guy could be afraid because he is very attracted to you, and maybe you seem out of his league, or maybe he hasn't dated for a while, etc. Or maybe the guy is just extremely self-conscious, so unless you like "projects" you should stay away.

Based on what you wrote, I would guess this guy texted because he realized he said he was going to call and didn't. He probably texted to test the waters and see if you were pissed at him. His test worked because you instructed him to call you and that is why he did.

The question now is Why didn't he call you on the day he said? It is possible someone died or his car was stolen, but not likely. In any case he should have called to apologize.

By responding to his text in any way, you shifted the balance of power to him. Not by the response, but by not holding him immediately accountable for his statement that he would call on a particular day. In effect you're chasing him. In all likelihood he might now offer a flippant apology, like oh yeah, sorry about that, I got tied up with this big... whatever.

He might be a great guy, but unless you shift the balance of power back to the middle (or to your favor if you're evil like me), he'll probably keep pulling stuff like this throughout any relationship to come.