Weight Loss Ain't Easy

I'm hungry, tired, and cranky. All I want out of life right now is a pint of mint chocolate chip haagen dazs ice cream. I could eat the whole thing I swear, and even though my stomach would feel sick, I would savor each and ever decadent bite. I don't know if I want it because my body is craving sugar like it was water and I was stuck in a desert, parched, achey, and covered by a fine layer of whitish salt, OR if this is an emotional eating craving thing as a result of the fact that I'm cranky, bored, and procrastinating from doing work that I was supposed to be doing for the last 3 hours (that I didn't do because I was finally catching up on my blog reading on bloglines). All I know is that I effing want some god damn ice cream.

When I pointed this out to my mother during a phone conversation a few hours ago, she said, "I never had those cravings on the South Beach Diet." By way of background, my mom turned into superwoman a few years ago, decided she wanted to lose some weight and in a few weeks on the South Beach Diet managed to lose 26 pounds. The woman didn't cheat, didn't have cravings, worked out regularly, and has kept ALL the weight off. She's amazing.

I, not unfortunately but differently, am less than amazing. I'm tired every morning when I wake up (I don't know if it's the diet or a lack of solid sleep) and have hardly any energy throughout the day, except immediately after a medium sized Starbuck's. I finish my meager breakfast and immediately want more. I eye the clock and at 11:00 am decide that I absolutely must have at least some fiber crackers or I am likely to perish. At lunch it's the same thing. I finish the lean protein/veggie combo and I want more. An hour later, when I feel a slight hint of hunger, it's all I can do to prevent myself from reaching for another Fruit & Flavor snack bar.

I may be the worst dieter ever. And, don't even get me started on the gym. I've been going, and I've been making a valiant effort to work out, but that's about it. Even with music, for the last week, my running has been pitiful. I have barely been able to bring myself to do 2.5 miles, and I have to stop in the middle, sometimes twice!

Despite all of that, I'm doing it (I am not, for example, having a fudgsicle tonight, so help me God). I'm doing the diet, I'm doing the working out, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that with continued diligence and effort, it will all start to pay off. Dieting will become easier, running will become easier, and I'll get svelter, stronger, and sleeker.

But, for right now, let me just say, this is freakin' hard. More power to any and all of you out there who have actually lost weight. You have my undying admiration.