Sunday, June 24, 2007

Internet Dating Advice?

I'm in need of your wisdom, advice, expertise, and writing abilities. After some contemplation, I've almost decided to sign up for Having been unable to come up with a reason not to do it, other than it takes too much energy, and the guys could be dull and/or psycho, I've basically decided to give it a shot. Why not? It can't be worse than The Onion.

Before I can get started, there are a few things that I need, including (1) a description of me and my perfect match filled with fun and interesting details about moi; (2) a zingy username that sums up me in a word; and (3) a one-line description that again sums up me and what I'm looking for.

Simple, right? Try, impossible. I'm not good at this kind of stuff at all. Have any of you gone through this? The whole tooting your own horn while being tantalizing, engaging, and welcoming... Yawn. But, yet, I have to do it if I'm going to go on Match, find my dream man, and fall madly in love. Only these three small things stand between me and my future happiness. You see how much is at stake.

Let's take them in order:

A Description of Me:

I thought I might include the following facts: I like to travel and recently went to Mexico and India. I'm in to being healthy and like running, pilates, and yoga. I also like reading, music, art museums, wandering through the city, being outdoors, scuba diving, and spending time with family and friends. I think the following words describe me: Open-minded, compassionate, honest, introspective, feminist, and adventurous.

What else? Too blah? Not enough? Too much? If you were me and had to describe me, what would you say?

A zingy username:

The username is supposed to be something tied to your personality, like "Hiker Girl" for someone really in to hiking. I like many different things and can't come up with one username that represents all of me. It's supposed to be something catchy that gives a hint of your personality or interests. What do you think?

One-line description: emphasizes how important this step is. Apparently it's the one chance you have for your "voice" to be heard on your profile. Omg, the pressure! It's supposed to be something like "blah blah blah seeks blah blah blah." The examples they use are so dorky they makes my toes curl. For example, "Nature-loving carpenter seeks a partner on life’s path. Let’s hike the Appalachian trail together.” Um, hello, gag me with a spoon. Or what about this one, "Lawyer who rescues stray cats seeks kind-hearted companion."? That's not that bad, but a little cheesy and lame in my humble opinion.

Kind readers, I'm throwing these questions out to you. Knowing the 'Cup as you do:

(1) What interesting facts about me would you put in a profile?

(2) What's a good username?

(3) What's a good one-line description?

My internet dating success is now in your capable hands. Don't let me down!


Starshine said...

So awesome that you are taking this step! Trust me, you will not be lacking for things to blog about for the next several months!

1.) I think you described yourself very well. You could mention something about blogging, but then you will have the inevitable "what's your blog address" conversation. So maybe mention something about writing or journaling. (?) I think it is also interesting that you have a Swedish background.

2.) Ideas for your username:

Urban-Chic ~ (pronounced "sheek", not "chick") because you are a city girl who likes fashion.

I Heart NY ~ obvious

Purple Buttercup ~ cuz that's you.

Power Puff Girl ~ cuz we all know you're a super hero

3.) Dragon-slaying lawyer seeks kind-hearted man who she won't have to kick in the butt. (Just kidding!)

How about: Kind-hearted lawyer seeks happy, healthy partner to share life's adventures.

Greg said...

I don't have first hand experience with the online scene. I know some of these systems are supposed to analyze your personality and then match you up with people with the same personality type. I would imagine those would be disasters because most people can't tolerate themselves. We need counterbalance in our lives. Some shared interests, but try to stick two magnets together on the same poles.

From what I've been able to pick up from people that have done computer dating, it hasn't been what they expected. I read most people use computer and paper ads only looking for sex. So you will get a lot of people with that goal and not so honest with who they are. An online Brad Pitt will probably turn into a real-life Creature from the Pit.

There are probably some decent attractive guys online, but the chances of finding them are probably worse than finding them in public. Even more competition exists online from the predators. So statistically your odds are better finding someone while wandering around your daily life. Not at a club, but in the other things you do.

The online dating thing would make great blogging material though. If you want to get through the online muck, try to be as NON-SEXUAL as possible. 1) Interesting fact: lawyer. You should say that right away. Scare off the easily intimidated. 2) Username, nothing playful. Nothing containing words like 4You, 4U. Nothing that implies a dreamer. Creepy people will be thinking about you in terms of the name you give (I don't know if it is anonymous or not), so don't add to their fantasy by a seductive username. 3) Don't be too specific. Specificity = high maintenance. I enjoy exercise and keeping healthy, traveling, working with non-profits, etc. If you want to be more specific try including your favorites (movie, book, TV show, etc) that reflects who you are. TV is actually a big one because don't we all just really want someone that can shut the hell up while we watch our favorite show?

I would imagine you are a tough person to find a match for because you're smarter than the average slug out there. Add to this that you are not boring, so that eliminates a lot of smart people. What in your life really defines who you are? Something that you would rather do instead of anything else? Maybe just focus on finding someone with a similar passion in that one area? Or you could just find some mindless drone of a guy that is hot and caters to your every need. That could work.

Prue said...

(1) I would definitely include your height. It will weed out men who lack self confidence. Other interesting facts: speaks Swedish
(2) Username: That is tough. I have no idea.
(3) One line description: Beautiful, intelligent, adventurous, lawyer seeks attractive, bright, compassionate man to get to know better.

I don't know; these are just thoughts. I do have one other one, though, and this might be REALLY unpopular on this blog, might possibly consider leaving out the word 'feminist' on your description. Before you all hate me forever, let me explain myself. As was mentioned in a lot of the comments on your post about what percent 'feminist' you are, many people have a really distorted idea of what a feminist is. They don't understand that a feminist is someone who is committed to equality between the sexes. Instead they see the word 'feminist' and they think 'man-hater.' While any man that you choose to date would of course need to be educated about the correct meaning of the word 'feminist' (and if he is not a feminist by that definition he would need to be kicked to the curb), I think you might be artificially limiting your dating pool by including the term. Some perfectly nice men might breeze past your profile the minute they see the word 'feminist' because they might as well have seen the word 'man-hater' on your profile.

Obviously the choice is yours and I can see many valid reasons why you might choose to include the description. Feminist causes are near and dear to your heart and being a feminist is a very important part of your identity. One way you might state this is by prominently including that you do women's rights work in your law practice or that one of your primary interests is women's rights.

Anyway, just a thought. Please don't hate me.

Prue said...

Sorry - One more thing. It just hit me that you might have a picture of yourself on your profile. If that's the case, the physical description stuff I suggested won't be necessary. The 'tall' and 'beautiful' would then go without saying. Well, maybe not the tall part, depending on the picture.

Gypsy said...

Oh, I suck so bad at these things. I'd include the Swedish thing, and I don't know, something quirky. I wish you had a 100 Things About Me to steal from. Definitely include that you like to travel and try new things.

As for a username, hmm... zenchick?

And boiling yourself down to one line? Impossible! lol

Greg said...

zenchick might get her a guy that talks like those turtles on Finding Nemo. "Dude, you are so like the most awesome chick." But that might be your type, don't know.

Being a guy I may be too practical, but you might want to make the list of things most important and things you could live with. Don't mention anything on the things you could live with side.

Buttercup said...

Starshine, Thanks for all the great, creative suggestions!

Gregory - Good advice in terms of not being sexual and not being too playful. I think you're right that both of those could reel in the wrong type of fish.

Prue - Oooh, good one about the height, and actually I think your suggestion about not mentioning "feminist" makes a lot of sense, not b/c I shy away from identifying as a feminist but b/c that could be easily misinterpreted. Good point! And, you're the sweetest ever for suggesting "tall and beautiful"! :)

Gypsy - Clearly I have to do my 100 things. I like putting my Swedish background into the mix and Zenchick is sooo cute! However, I'm sure there are a billion zen chicks out there already, but something along those lines perhaps...

Thank you all for all of your great suggestions! They've given me much food for thought.

wordnerd said...

Hey Cupped one,

wow...good questions to ask of us you really trust us eh?

I like the advice about not being too sexual or playful (there are way too many creeps out there) but I would tend to disagree that there aren't "whole package" and "interesting"people out there to meet. I have several knockout friends who have indeed met and had much success wiht online dating. They've told me however that you cant beat around the bush...and that they did meet some frogs before meeting the princes.

I liked Starshine's line "Kind-hearted lawyer seeks happy, healthy partner to share life's adventures." It's simple...and really does seem to describe what you are looking for.

As for a NAME...hmm....tough one....might I suggest:


Or you could always try
bendy_in_NYC! (just kidding on the last one!)

good luck my friend.

Starrlight said...

oooh the fascinating world of online dating. Not that I have done it via an actual dating site, but my ex boyfriend and I met online. At least with an actual site, you can avoid the bi-costal relationship hell!

Buttercup said...

Wordnerd - You guys are my resident internet experts. I thought it was an excellent idea to bounce things off of you guys, and your suggestions were all very helpful. Good job team! Also, like you I know of many internet dating "success" stories. Yes, there's a risk you could get sex-crazed creeps, but that could happen anywhere - in a bar, grocery store, or class. They're are good apples and bad apples everywhere.

Starrlight - I definitely could not do bicoastal dating, at least not at this point. If I was in a committed relationship, that would be a different story.

Sparky Duck said...

as always I am late to the party.

The only thing that i see in your profile that is something is feminist. Now that would not scare me away, since I like banter, but not everyone does.

a picture is very very important to have, because alot of people search only pics. Be sure that its a picture within the 2000 decade and by yourself.

when i did match I just used my normal user name for everything else. I know when I searched I did not put to much stock in the tag line woman seeks blah blah blah.

good luck, you will do great and I will say this is how I met the Missus

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