Devil's Work

So much for my first resolution, to go to the gym three times a week. The first week of January is not shaping up so well. I've had to stay late at the office for most days this week, including tonight where I was stuck in a meeting and had to miss therapy! I'm so annoyed.

I've been put on a new case set to go to trial in the Spring. The next few months are going to be rough, but they're also going to be interesting because I'll be doing completely new things. Based on tonight's team meeting, the people on the case are cool. None of them have Dragon Lady's habit of treating the people under them like they are worthless morons, so that was refreshing. I might even like working with these people! It will also be a good opportunity to rehabilitate my reputation; apparently Dragon Lady may have given me a poor review. Not that I'm surprised by that.

I'm slightly alarmed that I think this case might be interesting. What does that mean for my plans to leave soon? I can already sense that I could get sucked in to thinking this could be a positive experience, and thinking about everything that I could learn. It's the same thing I thought when I first decided to come to the Firm. The opportunity to learn and gain experience is not a good enough reason to stay somewhere - I'll learn anywhere I go - but yet it tugs at me. It appeals to the side of me that despises Dragon Lady for many things, including for the negative way she has colored my experience at the Firm.

This new case is going to be challenging and I like being challenged. On the other hand, it's probably going to entail working late most days and on the weekends (something I have been loathe to do), and will be hell on earth while we're preparing for trial in earnest. The whole thing will probably settle before we go to trial anyway, conveniently right after we do all of the prep work (of course), so I can't count on a trial experience in my near future.

I think a part of me is still on the fence about whether I want to cut my losses entirely here, or whether I want to try to make one final push to turn this experience into a more positive, enriching one.

I can't believe that, but I think it might be true. I need to talk to my therapist and figure this out. I can't possibly really want to stay here for six more months, especially when those months will be hell on earth... Now if only this meeting hadn't interfered with my therapy appointment, maybe I would have made some personal headway on this issue.

Hmmm.... My job interfered with my life again. Shouldn't that tell me my answer right there?