Tuesday, January 09, 2007

For God's Sake, We're Talking Corporate Law, Not Sex Toys!

I know I said I wasn't going to talk about work in my next post, but my new case forced me into it. For context, here's the email exchange between Em and I right after I found out about it. You can tell how psyched I was:

BC: "I just got put on a 'sexy' car insurance case. Will you slit my throat for me?"

Em: "There is no term, and I mean NO term, that I hate more than ANY LEGAL CASE being called 'sexy.' If someone thinks a legal case is sexy, they have not experienced sexy, and should get out a lot more. I will not slit your throat for you, but I will slit the throat of the person who said it. Really. I'm in the mood."

I really love Em. (She gave notice today. Woohoo!).

It turns out that I was right to want Em to slit my throat. Not only is this case about the very unsexy, and totally uninteresting topic of car insurance (could we get more dullsville if we tried?), it also has a slew of self-important senior associates who are becoming more irritating as each day goes by.

Yesterday, one senior associate told me that for this week the only thing I had to do was get up to speed on the unsexy facts of this case. No problem, I said, because I had a bunch of other work stuff I was supposed to be doing, and more importantly I had to get my resume into tip-top condition.

Today, a different senior associate - who had not surprisingly failed to take the time to coordinate with the other senior associate - called me and started ordering me to do things before I could even get out that the other senior associate had told me to focus on getting up to speed on the case, and that I had another assignment due tomorrow.

I really, really dislike how no one at this firm asks if you can assist them. Instead, they order you about as if you're their peon. Did they not get the memo? I am not their F-ing bitch.

When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise and told her about my conflicting assignment, she said, "Oh, well, this is from [the partner] so here's what I need you to do," and launched into a twenty-minute discussion of everything she was commanding me to do. I love being disrespected and dismissed like that. It really fills me with motivation to excel at this job, and it really makes me look up to people like her. Based on how she treats her underlings, her life must be awesome.

The most annoying part of our "conversation" was that she kept punctuating her tirade, at really awkward nonsensical stopping points, with the repeated question, "Are you following me?" It was really bizarre.

An hour later, the partner on the case denied my request to take a week off at the end of January. The trial is scheduled to take place in April, so until then no one is allowed to take time off. F-ing lovely, isn't it? This is just the kind of stellar, associate-friendly place that my firm is. They don't even put any effort into being that way. It just comes naturally.

Since this exchange I have been in excellent spirits. I can not wait to get the F- out of this place, and I am simply elated about the progress I've been making on Plan D (aka My 5-Story Plan). I think this one might be a winner.


gravelly said...

Buttercup! I can't wait for your next "report"!! You go girl!!!!

Karianne said...

To follow on Em's line of thinking. If anyone thinks a lawsuit is sexy, they haven't experienced a lawsuit!

Hang in there Buttercup, remember you are a Powerpuff Girl!

Buttercup said...

Karianne - That's very true. Although remember, this is from the perspective of the lawyers who are so deep in their little bubbles they're mistaking suits about car insurance for sex. It's sad really. Exactly, and Buttercup (the powerpuff girl) is a force to be reckoned with. :)

Gypsy said...

Further proof (and impetus) for you to get the hell out of that soul-sucking place. Vampires, the lot of them.

Bubbles said...

Oh, you are going to be so much happier at a small firm. (1) You will never have to work with a "slew" of lawyers on any case. (2) An April trial date will never somehow effect a vacation in January. That is totally ridiculous. Especially on a car insurance case.

Anonymous said...

Again, Lass, having to comment anonymously due to some whack blogger issue.

Hmmm. Can't imagine a lawsuit being sexy. And insurance is definitely not sexy. I worked for a construction insurer for a brief, brief period, and it was decidedly not sexy. Obviously these people haven't recently had any kind of relations.

Buttercup said...

Gypsy - Another excellent metaphor.

Bubbles - Thank you for the perspective. It's nice to be reminded that my firm is insane.

Lass - I don't think half of them know what "relations" are, and judging by the amount of time they spend at the office I don't think a lot of them are anywhere close to haveing them on any kind of regular basis.

Anonymous said...

Feh, your job sounds like even more fun than mine. Good luck on getting the F- out of there, sooner rather than later!