Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It's Raining Potential Suitors!

I've been running around town like mad, trying to find a new match. If I could find a new relationship that I feel positive about by February 14th, that would be perfect! So far, all of my dates have been basically successful. Out of the 6 "first dates" that I've been on during the past three weeks, all of them wanted me back for date #2. I only wanted to continue to get to know three of the six, so I tried to let the other ones down easy. I'm sweet like that.

On the first date, everyone tries to make a good impression while subtly feeling out whether they enjoy each other's company. It's important to be witty and engaging, and to show the proper amount of interest. If you show too little, you might come off like a cold fish, and no one wants that. If you show too much, you run the risk of appearing desperate. Along those lines, no one wants to hear about your failed past relationship, at least not at this stage. You don't want to be negative too quickly or you might scare off a good thing. Later, as you get to know each other better, you can divulge those type of details, but not until you know that they're really interested.

To my great surprise, I enjoyed almost all of my first dates. I was really nervous before the first one, mainly because I had been in a committed relationship for the past couple of years and hadn't had to put myself out there in a long time. Luckily, what they say about never forgetting how to ride a bicycle is completely true. The minute I sat down with the first guy and started conversing, I remembered how good I am at chatting people up when I want to be. The trick is to be confident, but not arrogant, and to ask them a lot of questions about themselves. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Also, a little flattering and an encouraging smile go a long way to making people feel comfortable.

I charmed the pants off of Bachelor #1 and left knowing that he really liked me. I would have been stunned if he hadn't called after a day or two, and of course he did, just as expected. My date with Bachelor #2 didn't go as smoothly because he was a bit of an ass. He was rude, obnoxious, arrogant, and had a rather obvious Napoleon complex. He made all these comments about men who were bigger than him and how he was just as good as them. I don't want someone who isn't comfortable in their own skin, or feels the need to compete with other guys, so I told him I wasn't interested in going out again before he had the chance to ask me.

Bachelor #3 seemed awesome at first. He was European, projected a very relaxed vibe, and seemed super smart. For most of our date, I had a wonderful time talking with him and felt very sophisticated. However, at the very end of our date, he made a comment that made me think he might be a bit of a workaholic. Even though the rest of the date had been great, the red flag made me nervous. In my last relationship, I overlooked a lot of red flags right in the beginning of the relationship that I shouldn't have, and I don't want to make the same mistake again. Bachelor #3 really liked me and was ready to jump into a serious relationship after only the first date. If it hadn't been for that red flag, I would have been totally psyched about his interest, but ultimately I had to go with my gut and decline his offer.

Bachelor #4 was a great guy, but I got the sense that he was a little too... small. Regardless of how people try to sugarcoat this issue, size really does matter. Even if suitors have a lot to offer in other departments, if they're too small, chances are it's not going to work out. I gave it a shot with him during our date, and tried to get a sense for how I would feel in the event that we moved forward. Ultimately, I decided that it just wouldn't feel right and had to tell him that I wasn't interested. In declining, I was politely vague. He knows he's small and he doesn't need me pointing out the obvious for him. Despite his size, I so enjoyed meeting him that I almost sent him a card, rather than a simple email, but then decided against it. Mixed signals are never a good idea.

I agreed to meet with Bachelor #5 because a good friend of mine had gone on a date with him and really liked him, and thought that we would make a good match. I could totally see why my friend liked him. He was mellow, unpretentious, and a genuinely nice guy. I got the sense that he works hard but takes plenty of time off to enjoy life. A few things he said made me think that he might be too small for me, and that he has a slight complex about wishing that he was a little bigger, but overall I got a very favorable impression. The fact that he's recommended by my friend is key, because in New York there are so many of them and it's hard to get a true sense for who they actually are. On the spot, he asked me back for a second date and I agreed. I believe in giving nice guys a chance.

I didn't bring this up on my date, but my last relationship was with a flashy alpha-male type, and frankly I'm so over the whole more-superior-than-thou attitude. He didn't care about nurturing our relationship or supporting me when I needed it, and I always got the sense that he was looking around. It was like he had hordes of eager, naive little girls just waiting to fill my spot. He didn't care about me. All he cared about was himself. But, I digress. My point is, after being taken for granted for so long in my last relationship, I'm ready for a nice guy who will love me and treat me right. It's possible that Bachelor #5 could provide that relationship. I'm not sure, but I'll give him until date #2 to decide.

I was excited to meet Bachelor #6 because he has a reputation for being open-minded, socially aware, smart, friendly, and not too career-obsessed. On top of that, everyone who has met him says that he treats the women in his life superbly. He's also baby-friendly and not shy about showing it. Isn't that refreshing? I was not disappointed; this guy was awesome! Size-wise he's on the large side but I think it would still be a comfortable fit. I could definitely see a relationship with him evolving and I was thrilled that he called a few hours after our meeting to ask me back for a second date.

On the second date, things become a little more serious. Everyone's still trying to make a good impression, but there's more probing into backgrounds, values, and what each person is going to bring to the potential relationship. It's still about having fun, but the stakes start to go up pretty quickly. People don't want to become involved in something if it's not meant to be, so they start showing little pieces of themselves to test the waters early on in the game. It's always better to know sooner rather than later. However, a second date is still too early to lay everything out on the table, so there's still a lot of mystery. This is good and bad, depending upon how soon you want to commit yourself to a new relationship, and how sure you want to be about your new partner when you decide to commit to them.

I've only been on one second date, with Bachelor # 1, and it was great. He was just as charming, smart, and pleasant on the second date as he was on the first. I learned more about him and it seems like he works considerably less hours than I do, which is exactly what I'm looking for. I would love to have a relationship with a man who's not obsessed with his work. I'm so over that scene. I'm a little hesitant because I'm not sure if he's being completely honest with me, but I'm definitely interested enough to go out on another date. He might be ready to get into a serious relationship with me, but I probably won't know for a few days. I'm not going to call because I don't want to pressure him; plus, I have other suitors to keep my busy. Once he's declared his intentions, I'll be in a position to figure out what kind of guy he really is. My fingers are crossed.

Who knew that hunting for a new law firm could be this much fun?


wood said...

hahahahaha. you had me until the end.

sisterfriend said...

Seriosly, Buttercup, I kept thinking, "How in the world does she know his size on the first date? Do men really DIVULGE such information up front?" ;)

Hope you land with the "man" of your dreams!

Anonymous said...

Wow, BC, you've really been making the rounds! ;) Glad you've had so many successful dates. Keep listening to your gut as you ask questions and size up the firms. I'm sure you'll find yourself happily at home in a new firm real soon.

I had no idea a law firm job required you to go on so many interviews at one firm! I am personally pulling for Bachelor #6. I like that he loves women and is baby-friendly, too. Sounds like a good man, and the fact that he came on a personal recommendation is fabulous!

Go girl!

Buttercup said...

Wood - I'm still laughing to myself.

Sisterfriend - Of course not! They would prefer if everyone just assumed they were ENORMOUS long before the deed was even close to done.

Starshine - My friend Em had to go to FIVE interviews with one firm! It seriously is like speed dating. And after all of this, I'll get an arrangement that's still not close to perfect. But it will be way better than my current situation (hopefully)! I'm excited.

InterstellarLass said...

You had me going there for a second. I kept wondering 'Why is she considering serious relationships so quickly!'. I'm kind of a dunce I guess! And the size thing...hi-larry-ous. Good luck!

I got a substitute date with the same bachelor recently. I'm going on a second date tomorrow too. They're really hot for me. ;)

Buttercup said...

Lass - Go get 'em.

Racy Li said...

Can I just say I LOVED this post?! Well done buttercup! :)

Buttercup said...

Racy Li - Thank you!! I cracked myself up.