Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Battle of Wills

I went to bed last night at 11:00 pm but couldn't fall asleep until midnight, and then woke up at 5:30 am thinking about the girls' case, the FBH (Fuckingbitchfrom hell, aka "Dragon Lady"), and the other things I need to get done asap. After lying in my bed for an hour wide awake, with my body feeling tired and my head hurting but my mind not being able to shut off, I kissed Raj and got up from bed and had a shower. I got into work earlier than I have in months: 7:30 am. Probably not early for a lot of you, but NY Firm time (we usually start at 9 or 9:30) that's impressively early.

I feel a touch better today, after having a little sleep, and now that I know that there is a plan once again to keep the girls safe. Everything worked as Wood said it would. We just convinced them that their was no other option other than the one we were suggesting to keep the girls safe. No one wants to be responsible for endangering young lives. How lucky am I that I have smart friends who are their to brainstorm with me and work through these types of problems? Wood and Falk have my gratitude.

FBH is still a fucking bitch, but I've decided my will is stronger than hers. She's a miserable creature, and we are way past the point where she can intimidate me (although she still makes me sick... but I'm only human).

I'm armed with caffeine and a liter of water, and my plan for this morning is to crank shit out. Finish her worthless work, and then move on to my asylum clients' work. I'm down to 7 days, but really I need stuff done by this Friday. That's 2. Lovely.

If FBH left me alone, everything would be fine. I'm going to have an aneurysm or go ballistic if she gives me more shit today. I may have to tell her, as Tracy suggested some time ago, that her tone and treatment of me is appropriate. It's hard though because I have to choose my battles, and I think really taking on FBH should wait until after the girls case because I need to focus on that.

However, if by tomorrow I am still not able to focus on it because of FBH's demands, then I may have to adopt a more confrontational strategy. Like all bullies, she will probably cave when challenged. On the other hand, she is mentally ill (which is fine, as long as she was taking care of them, which she's not) and mean, and I don't trust that she wouldn't turn into a shrieking banshee and try to carve me up into little tiny pieces.

I could handle that fight if it's got to happen, but I just feel like it would be too distracting to have right now. We shall see how the day goes. I keep looking at my little Green Tara statue. She has a beautiful face. A type of beauty that FBH probably is not even aware of. My god, how miserable it must be to walk around in her skin.


wordnerd said...

I'm rooting for you too! I know that in this round of Buttercup VS FBH that you will surely come out on top.

Sending you hugs, remember to drink lots of water throughout the next couple of days!

Gravelly said...

You can do this, Buttercup, we are all rooting for you! Think of the girls you are helping when bitch-lady is talking to you. I am sending hugs, one every hour, let me know if you receive them. I love you.