Monday, May 08, 2006

Odd Couple

This is what I used to be afraid of looking like when I was in Sixth Grade and taller than all the boys because they had not yet hit puberty and their much awaited growth spurts:
Courtesy of the Green Straw
No, this is not a picture of Tom Cruise posing with a Giant Drag Queen. This painfully awkward picture is Katie Holmes hunching her post pregnant body over Tom Cruise's in a futile effort to make him appear like less of a midget. If she's going to hunch over like that, why wear heels? On the other hand, she may just be exhausted at having just given birth and annoyed at Tommy Boy for forcing her to parade around all dolled up on the red carpet.
Katie is going to have some serious posture and back problems, if she keeps this up. Why doesn't she just force Tom to undergo leg extension surgery? Maybe that's banned by scientology. On another note, how can Katie enjoy sex with Tom Cruise? Her thigh is almost twice as long as his. He is a koala bear to her gazelle. It would be like making out with a deranged puppet. Call me a traditionalist, but there's nothing erotic to me about making out with a man you're afraid to break.
They are the weirdest celebrity couple ever.

4 comments:

wordnerd said...

what's with the white pumps? call me fashion naive...but white pumps with a black dress...is it 80s retro-cool? Don't think so.....not sure what it is.

Gypsy said...

The shoes!!! Oh god, the shoes. No, no, a thousand times no.

Bean said...

Yeah, I'm not down with the shoes. But she is like the Hutchback of Notre Dame.

Buttercup said...

Bean, It's not Katie's (er Kate's) fault. If she was not standing next to a midget and trying to make him look taller, she would not look like a Giantess. Personally, I've never been able to date shorter men, so I'm obviously projecting.