Thursday, October 05, 2006

I Hate Being This Kind Of Lawyer

These are the weeks I hate at work. In the last three days, the only thing I have done - other than get a few hours of fitful, drug-induced (sleeping pills) sleep, is work. Monday, I got home at about 3:00 am and then couldn't get to sleep until close to 5 am. I had horrible sleep and I was so hot and sweaty the whole night. Raj kept moving because he was getting attacked by a mosquito.

Tuesday, I felt delirious and sick at work. I was stressed out because of Dragon Lady and some personal stresses, and my eyes kept feeling like they were moving slower than my head whenever I turned sideways. I had to ask my secretary to go get me water because I felt like vomiting. Too much stress, too little support, and way too little sleep.

Today has been a little better, but it's still been a 15 hour day filled with stress. I had to meet with Dragon Lady which was confusing. She smiled at me when I entered her office and didn't treat me like I was a complete moron. I think it may have been because I looked like I was going to kill anyone who gave me any shit. Also because I used the word "screwed" in a sentence. As in, If everything goes to hell, we'll have these copies and we won't be screwed. She respects that sort of thing I guess.

Ah, miserable existence. I'm almost in the 80s so you would think my spirits would be up, and just between the two of us they were until personal stress combined with work stress; then it became too much. I know I've said this lots of times but I hate not having time to do anything. And when it's this crazy at work - preparing for effing depos for Dragon Lady - there is simply no time. At least the deposition ends at 6 pm tomorrow. Then I'm off to counseling.

That's the only thing I didn't cancel this week. Which is really good, because at the moment I really need it.

So much for being all zen.

P.S. Eventhough I still hate working for Dragon Lady, I must admit that I feel a bit bad for using the "C" word about her, though it's not the first time. I was so angry and in the moment the word seemed to fit. But how are we - i.e. feminists - to reclaim the word, when women - i.e. moi - keep calling each other that as if it's the worst possible thing you could say? It wasn't nice of me. Sorry Dragon Lady. Even though you are not nice and really stress me out.

5 comments:

wordnerd said...

Buttercup...sounds like workload is a real issue as well. Are 15 hour days the norm? WOW...I don't think I could handle it if they were for me. At least not on a regular basis....it's happened in the past...but it was because of extraordinary circumstances.

I know you've made some choices to move on regardless of everything being sorted out...which is awesome, however I am wondering if you can do anything about workload before then. This might be unrealistic...but it just seems to be that keeping up this pace is almost inhuman.

I'mot sure about lawyering in Manhattan (although I know it would require more hours than here in my bitty part of Canada) but that sounds like an AWFUL workload...just the hours ALONE (let alone issues of support, etc) must be taking their toll on your health!

I'm wondering if I have a point here....hmm....not really...I guess I'm just a little concerned for your wellbeing....my internet buddy!

take care of yourself, k?

InterstellarLass said...

When the workload requires that much overtime, there's not enough people working! I killed myself for a job that got me nowhere. Sad thing is, I crave the pace sometimes.

Bubbles said...

ok, Buttercup, you have to read this blog:

http://anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com/

You have to read a few of the postings... if you are working too hard today, I will give you a tibit until you get a chance to go there:

Associates and paralegals need to be treated like wild animals sometimes, tamed, beaten down, stripped of their natural instincts to fight back against oppression, to sleep, to eat, to fight. They need to learn to obey, and they need to learn to listen to their masters.

Buttercup said...

Wordnerd - My work goes in waves. This month is going to be alot of 15 hour days because we're preparing for depos. Thanks for the words of support.

Lass - I used to think I craved the pace, but I've gotten to the point where all I really want is a normal schedule, time to do things out of work, and the motivation to do them. I hate feeling stressed and exhausted.

Bubbles - That's a great site. Sad thing is, I know several associates/partners who seem to actually live by and believe that. It's a really eff-ed up place.

Tracy said...

Hi Buttercup,

I hope your weekend will involve lots of napping and quality time with Raj. :)

Just think...on Monday, you'll be well into the 80s!!!