Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Turtle Rocking

Over the weekend, I took my two honorary little sisters to the Bronx Zoo. We were mesmerized at the following not-for-children's-eyes display of attempted turtle-making mojo:

Look at the full-body positioning, the arms powerfully gripping the contours of Mrs. Turtle's shell, and the way Mr. Turtle is bracing himself by digging his feet into the sand. I couldn't help myself; I had to take a look at the action from the side view. Check out the body-rocking action:

Unfortunately, Mrs. Turtle did not seem to be enjoying all the attention being given to her caboose:
On closer examination, neither did Mr. Turtle. His ferocious intensity along with his uncanny resemblance to E.T. was a little disturbing:

My advice for this couple is simple: Mr. Turtle needs to loosen up a bit and add some fun back into his love-making. I would suggest slowing down turtle-style and taking the time to rub Mrs. Turtle's shell the way she likes it before diving in for the rhythmic penetration routine. If he relaxed, took his time, and didn't rush in for the back-end action immediately, Mrs. Turtle would enjoy it a lot more, which in turn would make it a lot more fun for Mr. Turtle.

Come to think of it, I've encountered a number of men who could benefit from this advice.


broadway baby said...

LOL! Buttercup, you are cracking me up!

Sparky Duck said...


Willow said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning!! Loved it!! You have returned my smile to me:)

Valerie said...

lol - they say only humans and dolphins have sex for pure fun and pleasure. The rest of the animals do it for making babies only. That's possibly why Mr. and Mrs. Turtle look unhappy. They hate eachother but have to make babies. :)

Miss S said...

Miss S

InterstellarLass said...

Oh my. The zoo is such a fun place. Reminds me of the time, when I was about 6, that I saw two monkeys doing it at the San Antonio zoo. My grandfather couldn't understand why I thought the one monkey was poking the other monkey with a stick in the behind. LOL!