Sunday, August 05, 2007

Apartment Angst

Remember way back in December, approximately 7 months ago, when I was all happy about moving into my new place after leaving the Ex's? And then, remember when Sven moved in and I thought it was going to be a positive aspect of the summer?

Well, those days are long gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

I feel a an anti-apartment rant coming on. Here goes:

I am sick to death of having no air-conditioning, of the constant whir of fans, of my body being slick with sweat as I lie half-naked in bed with no covers on trying in vain to fall asleep.

I'm sick of the cramped quarters, of not having a real closet, of my clothes ending up everywhere because they have no place to be, of the tiny beat-up table tucked away in the corner that I use as a "desk" for my computer, of all the unpacked boxes I have crammed under the bathroom counter because they don't fit anywhere else.

I'm sick of the leak in the ceiling that happens every time it rains.

I'm sick of the grimy shower with its falling tiles, the holes that reveal what can only be massive growths of black mold, the way the mold spreads across the floor and forces me to clean it all the time or wear flip-flops like I was taking a shower in a nasty school locker room instead of in my own home, and the 3 x 3 space that makes it nearly impossible and always awkward to shave my legs.

I am sick to death of not having a bath tub. Sick, sick, sick. I miss my Kiss My Face Stress Relief bubble bath. I miss soaking. I miss shaving with my legs stretched out luxuriously over a sea of fluffy foam.

I'm sick of having to cover all the windows for fear that someone could be lurking out on the roof on the other side of the aluminum box that I live in.

I'm sick of having a torture chamber for a basement. I'm sick of being too afraid to throw the garbage away, and I'm so sick of being unable to do laundry unless I walk a block down the street.

I'm sick of the 5-floor walk-up.

I'm sick of the upper east side, of having to walk 12 minutes to the subway every single day, of $16 cab rides home from anywhere decent, of being in an area where my friends rarely want to visit, of not being downtown or on the upper west side or anywhere else in New York where things are much cuter, cooler, and convenient.

I'm completely and utterly sick of subletting. I hate being surrounded by all of these things that are not mine. I'm sick of her coach, her TV holder, her too-small coffee table, her plates and utensils, her paintings. I'm sick of dealing with her every month, and I'm sick to death of the fact that she's charging Rumi and me an extra $500 each month. Bitch.

I'm really, really sick of having a room mate. Rumi was awesome, Sven's not. I'm sick of checking the peephole as I'm unlocking the door to see if there's a light on in the apartment signifying Sven's presence. I'm sick of coming home and finding him making out with random girls on the couch that I used to relax on after a long day at work. I'm sick of his things, his food, and his mess. I'm really sick of him using my pans to cook meat. I'm sick of him watching TV late at night, leaving movies on when he takes a girl into his room to make out with her, and always being here.

I'm sick of things not being neat, not being perfectly clean, and just looking dingy.

Above all else, I'm just sick of not having my own place. I'm sick of not having control, of having to share and be considerate, of not being able to decorate, of being limited in what space I can take up, in not having anything organized the way I want it to be, of having this apartment feel like an aggravation instead of the cute refuge that my home used to feel like to me.

I need a new place.

8 comments:

Karianne said...

Ah, BC. It sucks to not feel comfortable in your own home. I"m so sorry. The A/C and the no tub would have to be deal breakers for me. I can barely live with Chris and the kids!

gravelly said...

Buttercup, find some place new ASAP! You really haven't had your "own place" since your first apt. in NY. Get an awesome place, you deserve it! Stor kram och manga pussar!! Jag alskar dig!!

Candy Minx said...

Uh oh...those are are very uncomfortable things...

It does sound like you may need to consider getting a new place. It may not be in your budget...um...a plan of attack is needed.

Let's say you can find a new place to live..it will probably take you a month or two or three to get that organized right?

While you are considering your options...go and buy a two foot coat rack you know with two strong support sides free standing.

Stuff it into your room however you can manage then hang up everything including t-shirts and pants if you have to. Clear the desk so you can work at your desk if you need to.

Buy a small plastic tub thing (or a small pedicure "spa" kit...they are often available at large drug stores)...such as people wash dishes in...that way you can give your self a mini-pedicure and shave your legs in your bedroom or the kitchen in the morning before you go into the shower.

These purcheses are useful even if you find an apartment in couple of months you will not waste your money even if you move...an extra clothing rack is always useful...as is a mini-spa for feet and shaving legs.

Then keep focused on looking for an apartment. If you don't have time while you are working so hard...hire an apartment finder, either an agency or a friend who has spare time and can look for a studio or one bedroom place for you.

Even if you stay in the area you live in now...and your friends don't want to come and visit as they have done...when you have your own place they may feel more comfortable coming to your new place if you live alone and have cocktails and snacks...etc. Then take taxis with the money you saved by hosting your friend for pre-dinner cocktails.


Just some ideas I hope they might help...all you can do right now is make practical decisions that maintain your sanity until you figure out if or when you can move.

I don't have air conditioning either...it is hell...but at least the summer humidity is almost finished for the season. I don't know sometimes we take a bottle of wine to the local park and watch kids play baseball...its cheap and cooller outside under trees than the apartment.

It was great to hear from you on my blog...thanks for stopping by!!!

I look forward to seeing how things work out...

Stay sane and safe
Candy

Starshine said...

Oh, I remember spending two summers in NYC with no A/C and wondering why I was torturing myself so. There was an ACE hardware around the corner that rented window units for the summer, and they even came to install and uninstall it at the end of the summer. Smartest decision EVER!

I was about to encourage you to stick it out and accentuate the positive, but when you mentioned the black mold that constantly is spreading and growing, that was enough to make me cringe. It can be unhealthy to live with black mold.

Then when you started talking about Sven, I was like, "Eww. B'cup needs to move now!". If there is one thing I learned through all my years living with roommates, it is that having a bad one is can really make life miserable.

If you have the means to move and find yourself a new place, I say "Go for it!". It will make life so much happier for you. When it gets to the point that you don't even want to walk in your front door, you know it's time to make a change.

*hugs* for you my friend, and I wish you all the best as you look for a new place.

Gypsy said...

I'm thinking it's time to start looking for a new place. Good luck!

Starshine said...

P.S. Totally wishing I understood Swedish, Gravelly!

Starrlight said...

Yowza! You need to leave and get an apartment really soon or you are gonna have a Travis Bickle worthy meltdown ;)

InterstellarLass said...

Wow. I'd be sick of all that too. Especially an inconsiderate roommate. I've also decided to give up shaving. I've tried Nair for the first time. And you know, the smell goes away. And no cuts. And less shaving. I'm going to try a few other products too and decide which I like best.

Get your own place. I had one (1) roommate ever. That lasted a few months. Just couldn't do it.