Sunday, December 03, 2006

Dismantlement Begins

I'd like to say that today I was strong and empowered, and for the most part I was. I wore my sassy "Boys Lie" shirt, armed myself with coffee, and, with the help of a friend, an Ani Difranco mix, and a "Sex and the City" HBO marathon, started the dismantlement process.

Of course one of the episodes had to be the be the one where Aiden moves out of of Carrie's place. It didn't bother me that much; I never liked Aiden. I always thought he was kind of sappy. I did note, however, that Carrie and Aiden participated in the dismantlement process together, and somehow that seemed right. It's odd to dismantle a relationship all by yourself. It makes everything seem a bit unreal.

I made a lot of progress. Boxes were packed, forks were sorted. The apartment now looks less like the place I shared with Raj, and more like the epicenter of a cardboard box explosion.

At one point, unfortunately, my resolve was momentarily shattered when Raj stopped by to get something from the apartment. Upon seeing him, my heart, which had been pleasantly numb for a while, started beating frantically and hurting again. Of course, I also dissolved into a mass of tears; understandable, I think, as it was the first time we had seen one another since we had broken up. He looked terribly handsome and sad, which only intensified my sadness. I don't want him to hurt.

After he left, I went back to my friend who somehow managed to make me laugh through my tears and helped me continue the packing process. My friends, both the ones I knew I had and the ones I didn't know about, have been awesome throughout this situation. I'm grateful for all of their support. That goes for all of you, too. Thanks for all of your comments and for being so supportive and kind. It's nice to feel a part of a sisterhood (boys, that includes you too).


Wood said...

thinking of you; sending hugs.

Gypsy said...

Ugh, talk about hearts getting ripped out. I'm so sorry you're going through this.