Friday, April 06, 2007

Nap Time

My nephew might just be an infant prodigy. He's only been home from the hospital for three hours and my mom and I just put him down in his crib for a nap. He's not exactly sleeping, his little tiny eyelids keep opening and closing, but he's all swaddled up and lying calmly. He has a cute little thingy over his bed with miniature stuffed animals that spin around slowly to the sound of "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little baby." Why is it that that song seems to be a universal calmer of the infant population?

I would show you a picture of the super cute Winnie the Pooh decorated crib except the usb cord on my sony digital camera has inexplicably decided to stop functioning. This means that though I have about 300 precious pictures of my nephew, I can't transfer any of the new ones onto my computer or via email. Can we say digi-rage?

I'm sitting next to the crib writing on the computer, and I keep poking my head up over the edge of the crib to see what he's doing, making sure that the little blanket around him is going up and down. Bean and her husband are attempting to take a much deserved nap.

I remember when Bean was a little baby. I was 8 years old when she was born, and I have vivid memories of helping to put her to sleep. She would only go to bed to the sound of a fairy tale on tape. Something about the voice telling the story and the gentle whirring of the tape recorder always soothed her into sleep. One of us would lie next to her until she faded off into sleep, until we thought it was safe to quietly ease up out of the room. It was a delicate process because at the smallest sound or change in pressure, she would startle awake. This happened all the time when the eject button on the tape recorder would pop up at the end of the story. It got so that we would wait until the story was coming to a close and then very gently press the "pause" button to stop the story and avoid the snap of the eject button.

We constantly checked on her to make sure she was ok. I remember tip-toe-ing into her room, moving slowly across the room and then bending down over her, holding my breath so that I could hear her tiny sounds, watching for the almost imperceptible rise in her chest. Sometimes it would take several minutes to see movement. I would peer down at her, my face just inches from her little body. Once I was assured she was ok, I would tip-toe back out of the room and report to my mom.

Now, my little sister has a baby, and I can already tell that she's a great mommy. It's incredible and wonderful and amazing to me that the little baby I remember has now grown up and delivered her own baby. I feel so much love for both of them that it hurts a little bit.

How do parents and aunties and uncles and grand parents survive the worry of having little ones, and the sadness of not being able to be with them all the time? I already know I'm not going to want to leave on Wednesday. My newest favorite thing is holding my nephew and gazing down at his little face, watching for the slightest changes of expression, marveling at every crinkle that passes across his face. As I told Bean, it's way better than lying in a hammock on the beach in Mexico sipping a pina colada listening to the sound of the ocean. About 8 million times better.


InterstellarLass said...

That love ache. It hurts right in the middle of your heart. You can feel it squeeze ever so slightly; sometimes good, sometimes not. But I'd rather feel it good or bad than never at all.

Starshine said...

Well, I guess you know where you'll be going for long weekends and vacations, huh? ;)

So happy for you and Bean. I can't wait to chat with you soon.

LLD said...

I know exactly what you are saying, although my nephews (who are 8 yrs old and 10 weeks old) live 2 hours away - not a flight. But when they are around all I want to do is enjoy that time with them, squish their little faces and stare in awe.

It's nice to hear that you and Bean are so close - I'm hoping my nephews are that close too given the large age gap.

Prue said...

He is so cute!!! You and Bean are lucky to have each other right now. Also I think Bean made a great choice with Winnie the Pooh crib decor - my little one also has a Pooh-themed crib, and she loves it.

Artemis said...

Congratulations Bean!!!!!!!!!!!! And to you Buttercup, and your new auntie status :)

You're so right in your description of being around these amazing new children. And so interesting, that that is also probably a big reason why so many choose to never have children - how do you balance that love and hurt all in one?

Enjoy this amazing beautiful precious new time with your little one :)

Karianne said...

What a little munch! Be sure to tell Bean what a great job she is doing, it means the world to us mommys because it is so hard!

I'll tell you, my first nephew is now 14 and the baby love never ends. He is taller than me but when I see that face my heart melts. It all hurts so good.

Congrats to you all!

BUG said...

just stopping by for a quick glance... everything sounds amazing. so happy for all of you. and even if you can't physically be there with them all the time, you are always connected through that achey place in your heart...