Blissed Out

I'm back from Mexico!! I had an absolutely amazing time at Bikini Boot Camp. You should all go. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually it exceeded all of my expectations. It was far more than just about looking better in a bikini... although that sort of happened inadvertently. I swear I have a bit more definition than I used to. With five classes a day and only healthy eating, it was almost unavoidable.

One of the best parts was the group of women who shared the experience with me. Most of them were in their early 30s and like me they were in states of transformation. They were some of the coolest, most inspiring, caring, amazing women that I have ever met. Being around them I felt proud to be in my 30s, and there were several of them that made me think, "I want to be like you." Confident, strong, incredible women, and not a single lawyer, except for me, in the bunch. So refreshing!! Thank god many of them live in New York.

There's so much to tell that I'm not sure where to begin. I want to tell you all about the work outs, the healthy food, amaranth over yogurt and fruit for breakfast, how light my body felt without white-bread carbs, the music I discovered doing power yoga, the perfect way to eat a mango, how I felt at peace and connected with the universe on our daily silent beach walks, how drinking a pitcher of pina coladas may have influenced my decision to go skinny dipping in the sea, and how mindful, connected, and blissfully happy I felt for much of my time at Amansala.

Just imagine how you would feel if every day you could wake up and enrich your life with all of your favorite things, and many more that you hadn't yet even discovered. That's how I felt. It was amazing. My soul opened up, embraced it all, and drank up every drop of the experience until I was overflowing with positive energy. There were days that I felt raw, vulnerable, and emotional as well, but I drank up those emotions just as I did the feelings of bliss. I was reminded that having the capacity to care and love, and to feel sadness and pain - the capacity to feel one's emotions - is not a weakness, but a trait. A beautiful trait that should be embraced along with all of the other aspects of my self. I was reminded of parts of me.

I listened to myself, I took care of myself. I napped when I wanted to nap, I swam when I wanted to swim, I stayed in the hammock instead of doing pilates when I felt like continuing to sway back and forth under the palm trees, and I did yoga even though I was crying one day because I knew that it would be good for my soul and I knew that all of the women around me would understand and support me. I felt safe and cared for, by them and by me. I started meditating for 5 minutes each morning, observing what I was thinking and trying to let any distractions float down the river I pictured in my mind. I went kayaking, bike-riding, and floated for hours in the ocean. I started journaling each day, several times a day. First with "morning pages," and then throughout the day when I wanted to record what I was experiencing or feeling, or when I wanted to jot down another thing I had just learned.

I didn't want to leave, and I didn't want my new friends to go either. But they left, one by one, and then there was only me. And then I too packed up my back pack and set out from Amansala. The next three days were also fun, though they paled in comparison to the incredible time I had had at BBC. I missed my new friends! The highlights of my solo trip were swimming with dolphins and renting a golf cart for the day on Isla Mujeres. How is it that I had lived for 32 years on this earth without ever having discovered how freakin' awesome golf carts are. It was like I was on the go-cart ride except that I could go everywhere I wanted. It was so much fun. If you haven't driven a golf cart, go out and do it.

That's a brief summary of the highlights. I'm sure more of the specifics will find there way into later posts. An hour after arriving in New York, while I was in a taxi en route to my apartment, I talked to Bean and learned that she is going to induce her labor this Wednesday, April 4th. Please send her and the baby-to-be positive energy. I decided to fly to Utah on Wednesday in time for the birth. Bean doesn't want anyone but her husband in the delivery room with her, which I completely respect, but she said it would make her happy if I was in the waiting room, just there if she needed me for anything. I know that if I wasn't there I would be watching my phone and thinking about her every second, so I think it makes the most sense for me to be there.

Do you see how perfectly things are going? Once again the universe is conspiring to make everything work out as it should. I was in Mexico until just two days before Bean decided to induce her labor and I happen to not be working so I have the luxury of being able to hop a flight to Utah to be there for the birth of my first nephew!! Through my travel fatigue, I am radiating quite joy and gratitude.

Gratitude for all of the changes I managed to make during the past 4 months, gratitude for the amazing experience I had at Amansala and the friendships that I formed there, gratitude for my family and the spirit who will become its newest member, and gratitude for where I am right now. I had forgotten that the world can change rapidly for the good, and that the universe is abundant.

In this moment it is hard to remember the girl I was just five months ago. She was so sad, though strong, and she felt so alone. I know she's a part of me, and thank god because without her I wouldn't be in the place I am now. I'm grateful to her for seeing us through the last few years, and happy to report that she's healing quite nicely.