Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Radio Silence

It's gorgeous in New York today. It's warm, the air smells fresh, and for the first time in months I was able to wear something other than my puffy down coat and boots. In the subway, three women were training seeing eye dogs, which made me think about what wonderful volunteer opportunities there are all around me. Wouldn't that be cool to train seeing eye dogs? It's worthwhile, plus it would be fun to work with the animals.

I have a dating update regarding Tapas Boy. If you'll recall, after having a terrific first date, about 2 1/2 weeks later we went out for a second date last Wednesday. Date #2 also appeared to go quite well. There was good conversation during dinner, drinks out afterwards, some salsa dancing, and some tasteful canoodling in a corner. At the end of the evening, as we went to leave the bar, he gave me a kiss and made a flattering comment, and then offered to get me a cab. While we were waiting outside, he suggested that we both grab the same cab so that he could drop me off at home before heading back to his place. How sweet, I thought.

In the cab, things were cool. There was some flirting and comments about what a fun evening it had been, and then we arrived at my place and he said, "So soon?" I thanked him again for the evening and offered to give him some money for the taxi but he refused to take it. He gave me a kiss and when I went to pull away, he said "Give me another one," so I did. Then I thanked him again and hopped out of the cab. In less than 10 minutes, he had sent me a text saying that he had had a great night and wishing me a goodnight.

Sounds good, right?

Well, since Wednesday, it's been total radio silence. I haven't heard a single word from him. Short of something disastrous happening to him, which I hope is not the case, I can only assume, thanks to the fact that I read the book He's Just Not That Into You, that despite our two seemingly good dates he's just not that into me.

One would think that would be the end of the analysis, and for the most part that would be true. Except that I don't understand why he was so nice during the date, up to the very last moments of the date, and even past the date when he texted me. Why be so nice if he was not going to call again? The easy answer that explains all but the end of the night texting is that he wanted to come home with me, and when he realized that wasn't going to happen he lost interest. I think that's the most logical explanation, and if that's the case, then of course I'm fine with him losing interest because I'm not interested in someone who's just looking for a little nookie (unless I'm the one looking for that).

The other complicating factor is that we were introduced through a mutual friend, and one would think that he would have taken extra pains to make sure that we were cool with one another because of our mutual friend. Not calling a girl for a week after a date and making her wonder why, is not making sure that the two of you are cool. It's being a bad dater.

Rumie thinks that he's a player and she cited the fact that he's into salsa dancing as support for her theory. I totally agree! When my friend had told me that he had a friend who was good looking and a salsa dancer I immediately assumed that he must be a player. You meet tons of people dancing salsa, the men are used to being the the spotlight, and it can be quite sexually charged. However, my friend assured me that Tapas Boy was not a player so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It looks like my first assumption was right.

I'm fine with the whole thing for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don't think I was really all that into him. On the second date, I discovered that the second kiss was not as good as the first, which was a key piece of information. I also learned that he was 40! I had thought he was between 34 and 36. I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of dating someone in a different decade than I'm in. I want to explore my 30s with someone in their 30s. Is that so wrong? I think 4 years older might be my new revised dating age upper limit.

So, what's your analysis regarding the radio silence? Was he just looking for some nookie?


Willow said...

You're right, it would be nice to think that something "dramatic" has kept him from calling, but as you pointed out, it's still rude not to have called. Perhaps it's as you suggested, that he thought he was going to go home with you and when he didn't "he lost interest". If that's the case, you are sooo better off! At least you had a couple of great/good dates with him! (I can't help it, I always look for the positive side.) The fact that he finangled(sp?) a way to continue the date right to your door, makes me think he had ulterior motives.

I don't agree with the dating age limits, but that's because I prefer men in their 40's. I guess the guys I've met my own age aren't as mature or appreciative of all that I have to offer. Small town living means men can be few and far between, or most commonly "already married." Sigh.

I wouldn't waste much time or energy worrying about Tapas boy, not when you have so many fish in the sea yet to date! You go girl!

Bubbles said...

I have had a similar experience. Going out with a guy, him calling right after about what a great time he had, and then... nothing. Guys are wierd....

Wood said...

hmmm. my thoughts:

1) 40 is not too old.
2) but: this guy sounds sketch.
3) I think your analysis about wanting to hook up is right on, and perhaps he even though you might invite him back when he sent the text message?

in conclusion: he just wanted to hook up. or else he fell under a bus and is in the hospital somewhere. either way, not the guy for you.


zelda said...

can I ask, did you text him back after his "I had a great night" message?

Prue said...

I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about that guy. Either he lost interest when he didn't get what he wanted or he is into playing games. Either way, he's not worth your time.

I'm not sure 40 is too old, either, but age limits are really personal preferences. I had a height minimum that a lot of people found unreasonable. And remember, Mr. Big was in his 40s (not that he was all that great, in a lot of respects.)

Sparky Duck said...

ok, he sounds like a player, though since I dont know how old he is, its hard to say 100%. But the fact that hes tapas "boy" does not help his cause.

Guys are weird, we make mental dates in our head to make contact again, and wont deviate unless something come up, like needing a date for a party. We suck

gravelly said...

Forget him! He was a loser! There are more fish in the sea! Think of March Madness instead....much more rewarding!

Candy Minx said...

Hi Buttercup...

I love you!

forget about this guy. I am really glad you had some dates, and if he calls again, I would still suggest going out dancing or whatever dinner...but it's soon as I was reading your post, I had the feeling you weren't INTO him either!!! I don't know why...hard to explain just a tone I felt.

Who cares if he is a player..e.ven players fall in love but he is too aloof. Aloof sucks.

And I personally think that kind of instant text right after a date is a red flag. TOO perfectly polite. Just too organized at it or something.

I have so much catching up to do on your blog...I've had a sad month of Feb and not motivated (my dad died...I posted about it sort of but haven't really talked much about it) and only now am I into catching up on blog sorry I missed your comment last week when you stopped by my blog.

I love reading your adventures!!!

More can be pals with this Tapas guy...but I've got a red flag going up...pals for now only!

Candy and I LOVE that book's genius and always true!

Buttercup said...

Willow - I think in casual dating you have to look at the positives and you're right, I had some fun and I'm fine with that.

Bubbles - Did you think your guy was a player too, or did he just wig out? I take that question back, according to HJNTITY, there's no analysis that needs to be done... but it's still super weird.

Wood - If he really expected me to invite him back after he texted... he's so off his rocker. I think it's probably more what Candyminx suggested, which was that he was being overly polite.

Zelda - I texted him back and said something like I had fun too and have a good night. (But I did not call, nor am I going to).

Prue - This guy is most definitely not Mr. Big. Plus, Mr. Big made Carrie miserable for so long! However, I will not write off 40 year olds for good.

Sparky - He's 40. But, I'm glad everyone is in agreement that he sounds like a player.

Gravelly - My bracket is in.

Candy - Omg, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm going to email you.

Starshine said...

Just out of curiosity, did you text him back? I think that if you really want to see him again, drop him a text message. If not...move on. I like being pursued during the dating process. :)

Buttercup said...

Starshine - Yep, I texted him back and said I had a nice time and good night.

InterstellarLass said...

Yeah, I'm going with the flow and saying this guy is a player. Definitely not worthy of you.